


Don't Let Go

by GayRainbowBridge



Series: Thorki Stories/Oneshots [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Love, Bullying, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Misunderstandings, No Incest, Physical Abuse, Reveal, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28926072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayRainbowBridge/pseuds/GayRainbowBridge
Summary: As children, Thor and Loki were the best of friends. But their parents had a falling out with one another and separated, Odin taking Thor to raise in the castle as the next heir to the throne and Frigga took Loki to the village, raising him into a kind thoughtful boy.When the two meet when they're older, what will they do? Does the friendship they had when they were young still stand? Or is it too late for both of them?
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Thorki Stories/Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120640
Kudos: 54





	Don't Let Go

"That's quite a building you've created."

Loki nodded distractedly, picking up another block to add to his block building he was creating, Thor watching enraptured by Loki's skill.

The two had been left in the room for quite a time now as their parents talked in the next room. What about, they didn't know. But they knew better to investigate though both were curious.

Or more, Loki knew better. Thor hardly ever got in trouble. Even when it was his fault, Loki usually either got the blame or took the blame for it. Father could be...harsh. Loki didn't want that for his Brother. Sure, Loki was younger and Thor should be the one protecting him which, to be fair, Thor always did to the best of his abilities. But Loki wished to protect Thor from the hurt and pain that the world could bring...that Father could bring.

Mother was the opposite of Father. She cared about Loki like Father never had. She made sure he got the things he needed, gave him things he desperately wanted when Father denied him them. She was kind to both Loki and Thor. Whereas Father would only shower Thor in his attention while Loki watched, wondering how he could be better so he could be worth Father's attention.

Loki chewed at his lip as he piled up block after block to his architectural block temple. It was very detailed. Thor stared in wonder as Loki placed another block down, carefully connecting a column that arched around the palace floor.

"How do you build such beautiful things, Brother?" He asked wondrously. It truly was a wonder. Loki was only six and yet was smarter than most children twice his age with three times more skill.

Loki looked up at Thor for a moment, studying the blond before giving a small shrug. "I'm not sure. I believe I get it from Mother's side of the family."

Thor chuckled. "I guess, you're the brain and I the brawn then? You are much more skilled when it comes to anything that requires deep thought. Whereas I am more skilled in the arena."

"It is only because I study more, Thor. But I have never known an eight year old to train so much as you do," Loki admitted.

He wouldn't deny that Thor was stronger. He was much stronger than Loki. Physically, mentally, emotionally. He was much more put together than Loki was. But that was okay. He loved his Brother and knew Thor would protect him from the things he couldn't fight against.

Speaking of which...

Yelling rose up in the other room just down the hall of the one they sat in. The door was open a crack and the voices of their parents wafted into the room, one voice trying to speak over the other.

Loki's hands started to shake like they did at the sound of raised voices. Mostly because it was usually directed at him. But he also despised yelling of any kind no matter if it was directed at him or not. He hated when his parents fought. Hated when they yelled and screamed. Usually because it was about him. The child that wasn't right to Odin's eyes and the child that was perfect in Frigga's.

He let the block fall to the floor from his shaking hands. He couldn't push away the yelling voices from his mind as they seemed to grow louder and louder in his ears, echoing in his head. He couldn't breathe properly as they rose up to what he imagined was a screaming match. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands flying up to clamp over his ears. No, no, no he didn't want them to fight. Please, no more fights. Please, please, please—

Loki gasped as warm hands encircled his wrists, tugging his hands away from his ears. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he opened his eyes to look up at Thor who smiled a sad but soothing smile, shushing him quietly as Loki gave a small sob.

Loki didn't need words to express how he felt of the yelling. Thor only pulled Loki to him, holding him close to his side as he pressed a kiss to his cheek, murmuring soft words in his ear for comfort. Loki took a shuddering breath, burying his face into Thor's shoulder, wanting to screams to stop. They didn't sound so loud to his ears now, but he could still hear them. But at least now it was bearable.

He gripped the edge of Thor's cap that the blonde seemed to were everywhere, pulling it around himself. Thor didn't object, only rubbed soothing circles into Loki's back with his fingers, alternating the pressure he applied to take Loki's mind off the yelling.

Even though the yelling still continued, Loki didn't focus on it, turning his mind away from it. He instead focused on the fingers soothing him along his back, the warmth of Thor's embrace, the safety he felt. Nothing would ever tear them apart. They would be friends - Brother's - forever.

"Don't let go," Loki whispered, his voice barely audible but Thor of course still heard him. He heard everything Loki said, good or bad.

"I won't. I promise," Thor promised, his voice holding only love and affection for his younger Brother. Loki let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding, melting into Thor fully, wanting and craving more warmth and safety.

The yelling abruptly stopped and they heard a strange noise. Loki flinched at the noise, whatever it was. It had been loud and sharp, penetrating the now silence.

Then there were footsteps. Marching down the hall, towards the room the two Brothers sat in. Loki gripped Thor's shirt tight, a bad feeling in his stomach when the door flew open.

Mother walked in the room, her eyes full of tears. "Loki, up. We're leaving. Pack anything you need to take with you."

Loki stared up at her uncomprehending. There was a red mark on her cheek, one Loki could almost mistake for a handprint. "But where are we going? When will we be back?"

Odin walked into the room, looking slightly pale as he went over to Frigga, touching her shoulder but she shrugged his hand off, kneeling down and scooping Loki into her arms, Loki's grip on Thor's shirt slipping. Thor's cap, still wrapped around Loki, came undone from the blond boy but he didn't move to take it back.

"Mother, what's going?" Thor asked, confusion lighting his blue eyes.

Frigga took a shaky breath. "You're Father and I are separating."

Loki's eyes went wide as did Thor's as they looked between their parents. Odin looked shocked at his wife, but also unsurprised as if he knew this would happen eventually.

"But-but Mother, you can't!" Loki protested, trying to wriggle his way out of her grip but she held onto him tight.

Thor stood to go to his distressed Brother only Odin to pick him up unexpectedly, keeping him away from his younger sibling. "You are to stay here, Thor. You are the kingdom's next heir. You have to stay in the palace," Odin said sternly.

Thor kicked out from where he had been thrown over his Fathers shoulder. "I don't want the throne! I don't want to be king! Let me go!" He shouted, reaching out to Loki who reached over Frigga's shoulder at the same time.

Their fingers brushed, just enough reach to touch.

But then Frigga was walking away. Thor yelled, "Loki, no!" but she didn't stop. Loki got further and further away until she walked out the door around the corner and Loki's tear streaked face was lost from view.

Thor stared at the doorway, breathing hard. Then he screamed, his voice breaking, like the promise to not let Loki go.

"NO!"

* * *

Years had passed. Loki was raised in the village, his title as a prince still standing, but was shunned by the royal people as was his Mother.

She did everything for him. Was there was he woke screaming in the night for his Brother. She would hold him tight, hushing the crying child until his screams had faded and his sobs had eased.

Still, after years of not seeing his sibling, Loki would still call out for him, cry for him. He wanted Thor there by his side to stop the fears of his mind. Being without him was like having a missing limb. Knowing there should be an arm there but there is not, just empty are and a phantom ache where it should be.

That ache was constantly in Loki's heart where his Brother used to be.

Years of separation made Loki's ache for his lost Brother lesson slowly everyday. He wished to see him again, but Mother had forbidden it. He saw the pain in her eyes whenever Thor's name was brought up so he stopped saying it a long time ago. Except when he lay awake in the small bed he had, staring out the small window at the palace in the distance, wondering if Thor missed him like he did. He would whisper Thor's name over and over as if he thought Thor would hear him if he did.

He knew the reason Mother had left. Father had been abusive. He had hit her. Neither boys had known. Loki wanted to strike Odin down for striking her. He knew now the red mark on Mother's cheek from that day he thought he had mistaken for a handprint was in fact a handprint. Father had hit her and Frigga had had enough.

She took Loki with her, knowing Odin had little to no love for his youngest to keep him safe from the king of Asgard. But to live in the village with so little money, she couldn't afford to take Thor with them. If she had, they would have ended up homeless. She couldn't bear that for her children.

So she had made the hard choice to leave Thor behind. She knew Father would never hurt him. He loved Thor like he never loved his wife or Loki. Thor was to be the next King and Odin would have fought tooth and nail had Frigga tried to take Thor away.

Loki had understood. It was hard, but he had understood. Frigga knew he would. They couldn't go near the castle in fear of crossing paths with either Odin or Thor. They didn't want Thor in danger if Odin caught him talking with them so they kept their distance.

The two had grown apart.

Loki was how in his teen years, older, smarter, wiser than he was in his youth. He learned magic from his Mother that the village folk shunned him for claiming it was only a woman's art. He didn't let their words affect him. It only spurred him in, made him practice harder. Learning a new spell, a new fact, a new lesson everyday. His smarts excelled all those in Asgard. His magic kept him safe from those who wished to harm the ex-prince. His Mothers gentle words kept his fears at bay.

* * *

Thor lived in the castle as an only child. Prince of Asgard and heir to the throne. Over the years he'd become more and more arrogant and selfish. Though he was still kind, in some ways. Still had a touch of his long lost Mother who left him as a child.

He grew up with the royals, the children of the rich. They taught him that the poor were not worth a royal like Thor's time.

He tried not to let it all get to his head. He didn't want to be a stuck up noble, looking down at all the poor as if they were below him. The royals laughed whenever Thor talked with the peasant people. But why should he not? Rich or poor, they were all Asgardian. They were all people. They all had feelings. So why should he not talk to them.

His Father hadn't liked it though. He had forbidden Thor from talking to any peasants unless necessary. Thor didn't understand why. Why Odin disliked him talking to the peasant children so badly. But he hadn't disobeyed him. He was smarter than to get on his Fathers bad side.

Most days he trained. Trained to fight, to kill. To protect himself in battle, to protect himself from the things he wished to hurt him. He had a feeling he'd been hurt before. He didn't know how or why or what had happened but something had. He guessed it had something to do with his Mother leaving but Odin never spoke of her and the servants were forbidden to speak of it.

Sometimes when he lay in bed at night, staring out at the sky, he thought he could hear someone calling his name. Pleading, begging, hurt and pain mixed in their voice. It sounded so familiar but Thor failed to grasp who it belonged to. It was like trying to hold water in his hands. The tighter he held onto it, the faster it slipped through his fingers.

He would fall asleep, night and night again with the voice whispering in his dreams.

_'Thor.'_

* * *

Even though he knew he shouldn't, even though he knew his Mother forbade it, Loki couldn't resist. He was almost seventeen. It had been so long. So so so long that Loki wondered if Thor had truly forgotten him completely. He would have thought that Thor would at least _attempt_ to see him, but he had not.

But Loki wanted to see him. Wanted to see his Brother. Wanted to see him and know what had become of the seven year old boy Loki had last seen him as.

So when it came time for the daily trip down to the market for food with the little money he had, he made a detour, making his way to the castle not too far from the village. Loki hoped to catch just a glimpse of his Brother. He missed him, the constant ache a reminder of what it was he had lost.

He scrambled up near the training arena, hidden behind the bushes that surrounded it and peaked out at the sound of metal clanging on metal.

And there he was.

Loki stared with wide green eyes at his once small Brother. He had grown. Of course he had grown. But he was much more handsome. He was well built and muscular, his hair grown out long like Loki's was only blonde instead of raven. He had a nicely kept beard that reminded him a little too much of the All Father.

He sent the other he spared with crashing to the ground, sword point under the teens chin against his throat. The others watching cheered for the prince. The teen raised his hands in surrender and Thor pulled away the sword, holding out his hand.

The other teen took it and Thor pulled him to his feet. "Tough luck, Fandral," Thor said, his voice deep.

The teen, Fandral, rolled his eyes. "How do you really expect me to beat you, Thor? You're twice my size!"

"And I am twice his and you have once managed to beat me," a large teen called from where he was watching the two fight. "Up your game."

"Oh, hush your mouth and eat another loaf of bread, Volstagg," Fandral said with a dismissive wave of his hand making the others all laugh.

Loki was about to leave. He really was. He was going to turn and walk away. He had no intention of being caught. He didn't mean to trip up, his foot catching on a root in the ground. But that's exactly what happened.

He yelped as he fell, landing flat on his stomach, the air leaving his lungs making him gasp for breath.

The sound of chatter faded, replaced with footsteps and then he was there. Standing over Loki, the sun making his golden hair shine. Loki laid there, frozen. He wasn't meant to be heard, much less _seen_ by his older Brother. Loki was meant to see him, not for Thor to see Loki also.

But it was far too late now. Loki supposed he could run off but that was rather undignified. Then again, tripping over his own feet was rather undignified as well.

"Are you alright?" Thor asked, eyebrows knitted together in concern. He looked down at Loki, holding out a hand to help Loki up.

Loki had been holding his breath, waiting for the moment when Thor realised who he was. He had dreamed about seeing his Brother again, maybe a little tearful but surely joyful. He had imagined Thor's face lighting up in joy, holding Loki close and promising...promising not to let go as he once had.

He hadn't expected the uncertainty in Thor's startling blue eyes. The wary kindness. He hadn't expected Thor to stare at him as if he were some stranger. Just another stranger who happened to be spying on him.

Didn't...didn't Thor remember who he was?

Loki swallowed hard. "Thor...it's me."

Thor blinked, a frown appearing on his face. "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

Loki could feel how his breathing had sped up. He forced himself to calm down. It had been years and years since the last time Thor had seen him. They had been but children. It isn't uncommon that Thor wouldn't recognize him instantly.

"When we were little," Loki tried, ignoring the build of tears in his eyes. "It's me. It's Loki. Don't you...don't remember?"

Surely, on hearing his name, Thor would remember. A face that has changed much over the years, Loki could understand. But his name? Thor had to remember. He had to!

But Thor only looked even more confused now. His gaze was apologetic as he spoke. "I'm sorry but I don't recall—"

Loki pushed himself up, ignoring Thor's outstretched hand as he stood unsteadily, legs wobbly. "No, you _have_ to remember me!" He insisted, his chest growing tight with panic. "We grew up together! You can't have forgotten me. Thor, please!"

He knew he sounded desperate. He wouldn't let anyone hear him as such except Thor. His Brother. Who seemed to have forgotten who he was.

Loki had thought they were forever. An unbreakable bond shared between them.

But apparently they weren't forever. It seemed the bond Loki thought existed, if it ever had in fact, has been severed. Cut in two.

Just like Loki's heart.

"Hey, look! It's that peasant boy!"

Thor and Loki both looked over at Thor's friends, the blonde, Fandral, having spoken.

He grinned. "What are you doing here? You do realise this is a place for _royals_ ," he drawled, drawing out the last word to make himself clear. "I'm afraid that you don't classify." The others around him laughed.

Thor sighed. "There's no reason for him not to be, Fandral. He is the same as us. Aesir just like us."

Fandral smiled wickedly. "Don't you _know_ Thor?" He asked in what sounded like mock sympathy.

"Know what?" Thor asked. Loki was silently wondering the same thing.

Fandral's grin stretched. "He _isn't_ Aesir. Or at least, that is what's rumored."

Loki stared at him uncomprehendingly. 'Not Aesir'? What on Asgard was he talking about?! Of course he was Aesir!

Thpr voiced Loki thoughts as he spoke. "What do you mean he is not Aesir?"

Fandral laughed. "He's _Jotun_."

Loki's insides turned to hot fire and cold ice at the same time. How dare he accuse him of such vile things! He was not only Aesir but a once prince. He should show more respect than that! But then, why would he accuse him of something so unlikely? Loki feared the answer by the look in Fandral's eyes.

"That's absurd, Fandral. My Father would never let those beasts into Asgard," Thor said with a shake of his head looking bewildered.

"It was your Father in fact who claimed this to be true," Fandral stated with a smirk at Thor's shocked look. "I overheard him talking to someone of it. That he found this peasant boy in Jotunheim as a baby and felt sorry for it so he brought it back to Asgard and gave it to that woman to raise him." Fandral said all of this, the smirk never leaving his face as he turned and gave Loki a mocking wide eyed look. "Did she not tell you? Your ' _Mother_ '? Did she not tell you what you really were?"

Loki felt his insides go cold. No, this couldn't be true. He was lying!

"You lie," Loki seethed. "You wish to humiliate me." Loki glared. "Well it won't work. I'll go to my Mother tonight. She wouldn't lie. She's honest. Far honest than any of you, making up such ridiculous tales. You'll see who will be the one humiliated. "

With one last look at Thor, seeing still no resignation in those blue eyes, he turned and fled, Fandral's laughter following after him.

* * *

Loki stood near the doorway, watching as his Mother read in one of the comfier chairs in the main room. Her golden hair was braided back from her face to make it easier not only to read but to do many other things like the chores, cooking, cleaning. They had very little money. Odin had never bothered to give them even a cent to help support them.

Mother was never bitter about it though. Always smiling or laughing. Loki remembered when they had moved here, how glum he had been, his mood black. Mother had always been there, forcing a smile from him when he didn't want to. Managing to make him laugh at something silly she would do when he didn't want to.

Fandral words washed over him.

_'Did she not tell you? Your_ "Mother" _? Did she not tell you what you really were?_

Loki swallowed hard, walking over to her. He cleared his throat, making her look up and smile. "Sweetheart. Are you alright?" She frowned. "You look pale."

Loki let out a shaky breath. It was stupid really. He knew Fandral was wrong. Why would he be so nervous?

Frigga closed the book, setting it aside as she looked at Loki with concern, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face that had come undone from her braid. Golden hair. Like Thor's. Loki didn't have that. He had black hair. Black hair that no one else in the family seemed to have.

"Mother...Mother am I—" Loki grimaced. Why was it so hard to ask such a simple question?

Frigga looked more concerned now. "What is it? Breathe, sweetheart," she said, standing up and walking to him, talking his cold hands in her warm ones. So different...

"Am I a frost giant?" Loki whispered.

Frigga went pale. "Where did you hear that?" She said, blue eyes wide.

Loki mouth parted. "It's _true_?!"

"Loki—"

Loki had already turned and ran back to his room, tears in his eyes green eyes that were nothing like Mothers. Because she wasn't his Mother. Odin wasn't his Father. Thor...Thor wasn't his Brother. And he...

...he was a monster.

* * *

Thor laid in bed, unease burning inside of him. What was going on? He kept having random flashes in his mind. A young boy with pale skin and raven hair, stacking blocks. A blonde woman picking him up. Thor yelling as she took the boy away.

Other visions plagued in his mind. Odin whispering words to him. A spell? He had gotten drowsy the more Odin spoke the spell. What was happening?

_'Don't let go.'_

_'I won't._ _I_ _promise_ _.'_

Everything came rushing back in a huge tidal wave crashing over Thor so he found it hard to breathe. He gasped for breath as the impact of everything hit hard.

"Loki," Thor breathed. "Brother."

* * *

"So, what did your fake Mother say?"

Loki looked up from where he sat reading by the lake, at Fandral who stood over him with a knowing smirk.

"Did she tell you how much of a disgusting monster you are, hm? Fandral said, grinning smugly.

Hate bubbled up in Loki at the sight. He hated being bullied and teased. Hated being lied to. Hated being different. Hated that he was a monster.

Loki stood abruptly. For a moment he thought he would punch Fandral, just to wipe that taunting smirk off of his face. But the next thing he knew, there were footsteps and Thor came into the clearing looking troubled.

"Loki," Thor said, eyes wide.

Loki stared back. Was that recognition in those blue eyes that he saw? But no. Thor didn't remember him. It didn't matter anyway. Thor had let him go when he had said he wouldn't. Thor wouldn't care about him now.

Because he was a monster.

And suddenly it was all too much, all too fast. He couldn't do it anymore. The pain and hurt was just too much for him to bear.

He turned and ran.

* * *

Mother wasn't home. She was out at the markets and wouldn't be back until the afternoon. Which made it easier for Loki.

He raced into the house, forgetting to shut the door behind him. He went to his room, into the bathroom.

He wanted it to end. He wanted it all to go away.

He took the scalpel, clutching it tight as he sank to his knees on the floor, his mind a mess of emotions as teased streaked his face.

He pressed the scalpel to the skin of his wrist, directly over the veins. He swallowed hard.

He would kill the monster before it could kill anyone else.

Tears in his eyes, he applied pressure, intent on ending his and the monster insides lives.

This was it.

"Loki, no!"

Loki looked up as the scalpel sliced a gash into the side of his wrist and he whimpered.

Thor dropped down in front of him, pulling the scalpel from Loki's hand, wincing when it cut across his thumb but he hardly noticed. He threw the damned thing aside before taking Loki's wrist, inspecting the cut made and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was nothing serious. He brushed his thumb over Loki's cut, his own blood on his thumb mixing with Loki's and Loki's doing the same with Thor's.

Thor pulled Loki to him, hugging him to his chest. Loki sobbed, burying his face into Thor's neck as he shook with his sobs.

"I got you, Loki. I got you," Thor whispered softly. "I won't let go."

Loki pulled back to look at Thor with wide green eyes. "You..."

"I remember," Thor confirmed. "Father put a spell over me to forget you, but I remember, Loki. I remember everything. I promise you, I will not let you go ever again."

Loki shook his head with a sob. "I'm a m-monster, Thor."

Thor frowned. "What do you mean? Lok—"

"I'm a frost giant, Thor! I'm not your real Brother!" Loki exclaimed, anger and sadness overwhelming him, trying to drown him.

Thor blinked. "That's not possible. Who told you this?" He had refused to believe what Fandral had said of Loki but Loki seemed so convinced.

"Mother. She told me. Or more, confirmed it," Loki said, looking down at the floor. "I'm a monster."

Thor shook his head. "You're not a monster. You're Loki. My mischievous little Brother."

Loki shook his head. "We're not Brothers. We never were."

"We are now," Thor stated, gesturing to Loki's wrist. "My blood from my cut mixed with your blood on your wrist. That makes us blood Brothers. But you'll always be my Brother no matter what happens and have always been my Brother."

Loki looked at Thor, eyes brimmed with tears. He wondered if this was a dream and none of it was real. He hoped he never woke up then.

He moved closer to Thor who held him tightly, brushing back the younger's raven hair with soothing fingers.

Loki let out a shuddering breath. "Don't let go."

Thor smiled sadly.

"I won't," he whispered, kissing the top of Loki's head. "I promise."


End file.
